So Friggin Tired of this.

So I was accepted into the Respiratory Program this past April, which made me super excited. However, after notifying them I was more than happy to accept and that I was pregnant, they promptly decided to tell me it may not be possible for me to take part of the program. Discouraging however, I sucked it up and asked my ob/gyn when if I had the baby I'd be able to go back to school. She said 1-2 weeks; 1 for an easy labor, 2 for a hard labor.  Armed with this information I went to orientation and everything was fine. or so I thought.  Monday I received a call from my program director telling me that the school was changing its absence policy to where after 3 missed absences you were automatically dropped, medical excuse or not. I was very upset, and after crying, I contacted the administration office prepared to launch an assault on the college that was being so prejudicial to pregnant students or even students that become ill during the semester.  The administrative office said that I had been misinformed and that it was really 6 absences. Giving my director the benefit of the doubt, I emailed her the correct information so that she didn't make any other pregnant ladies in the program as distraught as she had made me. I received an awesome email from her that more or less made it sound confusing and that the administrative office was in the wrong. I did research and emailed her that I was correct, and she told me to think of each class period as a week. . . Now I don't know about you, but A class period doesn't equal a WEEK of class periods. She also went on to tell me, that after the first day they move quickly and many people find it hard to recover.  So with that logic, you better tell/ notify anyone who is prone to getting sick in the winter to go ahead and drop out since they won't be able to get caught up.  I for one, am a very motivated individual, especially when it comes to achieving personal goals, and goals I've set for my new little family. My main goal is to graduate school asap, and get a good job, so I can help provide for our family. This email proceeds to go on and say "Maybe you should just take a year off and focus on being a new mom." Ok, so I should take a year off, add another year of living barely above poverty onto my family's timeline, and try to finish school with a child that isn't used to mommy being in school and will be 2 years old during my second year of school. I'm sorry, I'd rather go ahead and get it done with, get my family into the "living comfortably" range and then maybe be able to take a year off of work to be a stay at home mom, or pop out baby number 2. I want 4 before I'm 40. Oh, and the fact, that Joshua doesn't want to go back to school because its irresponsible to him to go back to school while I'm in school. He wants to go for Industrial Maintenance so he can get a promotion at work, and again jet us into the "living comfortably" area. So I've come to the conclusion this woman, yes, its a WOMAN causing me all this grief, doesn't want me in the program either to get someone she wants IN the program or because she thinks I'm being a horrible mother by choosing to go to school. Either way, I'm going to show her I can do it, I will do it, and be fucking awesome at it, and then when I graduate, hand over all the emails she sent me trying to get me to drop out, and giving me misinformation and get her high and mighty butt fired. I'm sorry, discrimination is against the law. Don't act like you know what I'm academically capable of, because you've never had me in a class. My grades aren't the best, but that's because I know I can slack off and get B's and C's.  But thanks for giving me a reason to show you what I'm capable of.

Long time coming.

So update: we're having a bouncing baby boy.  His official name will be Zaine Alan Ray Shepherd.  I've been off this blog for so long for numerous reasons.  But main one being we've been moving and scooting since March.

But lets start off with some big news.  I've gotten accepted into the respiratory therapy program at BG Tech.  So in 2 years I'll be graduated and spending time with baby and making my own money.  I really can't wait to be a co dependent in this relationship rather than a dependent. With that said Joshua has been amazing, we've had our ups and downs but I think we've finally managed to work out the biggest problems in our relationship and I think its working out.  Let's keep our fingers crossed though.

I've been feeling Mr. Z. A. R. kick like crazy for the last month and a half. & let me tell you if his kicks are any indicator, Josh and I better hang on. I straight up believe he knows exactly when I'm tired, worn out, or actually trying to get something done, because that's usually when he decides to sit on the bladder, sending me to the bathroom every 5 minutes, or the sciatic nerve which is extremely painful, and usually ends with me curling in a ball and crying.  (sometimes literally too) I'm so excited and nervous to meet this little life inside me. I truly can't verbalize how amazing it makes me feel, feeling him, nor can I verbalize all the worries I already have for him, me, our family.   I think I may actually be worrying too much as I have recently found a WHITE hair, at 21 3/4 years old. YAY!  Just another proof I'm getting older.

On another separate note, we have added another addition to our family.  A little wiener chihuahua mix named Itchie. He's a handful as he's a couple months old already when we got him, so potty training is taking an extremely slow progression, but its getting there, I haven't caught him peeing yet in the last 2/3 days in the house, now to somehow make him understand carpet isn't grass so he won't poop on it. How does Indy like him? Well considering Indy allows him to crawl all over him chew on him and bully him, and doesn't snap, then I believe he tolerates him.  But on top of that, they have now chewed through 3 rolls of toilet paper now?   Can anyone explain that fascination to me? I understand high heels, shoes, brooms and other hard surfaces but toilet paper? I mean really? Does it have a special scent? Regardless the both of them have been spending plenty of quality time playing together and in time out together.

I really think a short story series could be made about my boys...yes, even the dogs are boys. I like it that way though, means I will always be the queen of the household. Itchie and Indy I'm only concerned with as far as their ages when Zaine comes. Itchie was born on Christmas, so he'll be about 8 months or so when Zaine makes his appearance, and Indy, if Zaine decides to come on his EDD, will officially be a year old. This only worries me as both are still hyperactive and I don't want to isolate them from Zaine, but I also would hate if anything were to happen accidentally to Zaine because of the boys playing together. Although I may just be worried for no reason as Indy does great with Shanae's little boy Briley.  In fact Indy loves him, when Briley comes into our room to play we have to get on Indy because he'll be stuck up that little boy's butt.  Ridiculous right? && Itchie, was a puppy of Shane's dog's litter so he's been around a baby baby, I guess we'll just see right?

That's all for now, I'm hoping to post some money shots of Zaine here in a bit for you guys to see.

Baby Oh Boy, Oh Girl

  So, we went in March 3rd to hear the heartbeat and get our checkup.  The awesome surprise we got was being able to get an ultrasound same day! We saw our little honeybee and he (or she) is a very active little honeybee.   I thought I knew how much I loved this baby when I first heard their heartbeat, but no, seeing the little darling moving around alive and well inside of me.  After everything, I couldn't think I'd love this child of mine any more than I already did.  But sadly I was mistaken.  We go April 7th to determine the sex.  We got March 31 for our check up.

A Buzzing Little Honeybee

  So today, Joshua and I went to the doctor to listen to the baby's heartbeat.  && miraculously it was there. Sounding like a horse galloping, but that was our baby's heartbeat.  It came in so clear and strong, it brought tears to my eyes (corny, I know).  It just makes it seem so much more unreal that I'm going to have a little bundle of joy in a little under 7 months.

A tiny peanut, really?

I'm about 10 weeks along.  Which is amazing, scary, and unbelievable, unreal.  I look at my belly, and think is there REALLY something growing in there? Something with little toes and fingers (& fingernails).  Its so hard to think of myself in the role of mom. I know that seems so silly but I've always been one to criticize my parents.  Sometimes harshly, sometimes less so.  I always had these big expectations when I had kids I'd be married and out of school, in a house with a dog (which we have, he just thinks he's a child) and a loving support system. Most of which I have just as different roles.  I'm still going to have to struggle through school, and I know I won't be the first.  Its still scary though.  I'm still going to have to hold a job that will at least contribute to the income.

I don't think that sometimes people understand how hard it is.  To be going through all these changes, and to be so upset sometimes and not even really have a clue as to why you're upset.  To allow hormones to take control and basically it sucks. Some days I feel super excited about the little peanut, others I feel scared to death.  I'm nervous about being a mom, and worried about what type of mother I'd be. The biggest thing I'm scared of is the delivery. Of course there are other things to I'm worried day to day, about the baby, what needs to be done, what needs to be bought, and your relationship. I think Josh and I have a strong relationship.   No we don't get along all the time, nor do we like each other all the time.  We love each other all the time though, through, irritations, frustrations, and even through crazy hormonal Heather, we love each other.  We attempt to support each other, and provide for each needs the partner has, but we have only officially been dating for almost 6 months.  Its mind boggling how much can change in a year.

Tomorrow we go to see the little peanut's (s') heartbeat(s). Something we are both excited and thrilled to be doing.  I know this baby (whether boy or girl) will be a beautiful little child.  Unfortunately he/she will have some undesirable traits thanks to mom and dad.  They'll be stubborn, headstrong, and passionate in what they believe.  They'll be quick to anger, quick to forgive.  Hopefully, they'll have a strong sense of self worth and know that no matter what, they are loved by a web of friends and family. We are hoping for a boy.  However, a little girl would be just as loved and welcomed.

This first trimester (still have a few more weeks till I'm out) has been hell. Literally.  I've had morning sickness, dizziness, ligament cramps, name it, I've had it.  Joshua has been amazing through it all.  He's always thinking of baby first.  Whether its "Heather, don't let the dog jump on you" to "Have you taken your prenatal vitamin?" He's held my hair back when I'm buried in a toilet, and at times, when he feels the need to share the toilet, he never leaves so he's more comfortable.  He stays in there until I'm ready to leave.  I know I've been demanding but he's been amazing.  && no he's not my loving husband.  He's my loving partner, boyfriend, and best friend.  I don't know how I would have gotten through it so far without him.